Resistance isn’t what you think

Hey {{first_name | there}}

Resistance isn’t just not wanting to do hard things. 

It shows up in two ways:

~ Resisting things that are good for you

~ Resisting things that are difficult to face

Fear of discomfort causes both.

Fear of change.

Fear of feeling what’s there.

But fear isn't something to overcome first. It’s something you move through.

Resistance has no power on its own.

Its strength comes from how much energy you give it through fear. 

In the moment, it looks like:

~ Giving in to urges to take the edge off

~ Postponing the tasks that give you meaning

~ Distracting yourself instead of sitting with what’s there

~ Skipping the self-care that you know makes a difference

That’s the trap. 

You resist feeling things that need to be felt.

And you give in to the things that make you feel worse.

It’s no surprise that you feel stuck.

Resistance appears before meaningful action.

Not because you’re on the wrong path.

But because part of you knows change is happening, and wants to stay the same.

That’s why resistance shows up around healthy choices aligned with your values. 

You know you’ll feel better after.

But part of you still tries to talk you out of it.

I notice this pattern all the time. 

This morning, part of me didn’t want to have a cold shower.

I knew I would feel calmer, clear-headed, and more energised after. 

But in the moment, part of me only wanted comfort. 

For a long time, I thought resistance meant I was inconsistent or undisciplined.

Now I see it another way.

Resistance is what shows up when one part of you wants growth, while another part wants you to stay the same.

It’s not a sign to stop. It’s a sign that what you’re about to do matters.

It helps to think of your mind as more than one voice.

Some parts want peace, growth, and alignment.

Others want control, protection, and escape.

And some are carrying pain that isn’t easy to feel.

There are parts that you accept.

And there are parts that you reject.

But the parts that you reject do not go away. 

They stay active in the background. They shape your moods, choices, and relationships.

And the more you resist, the more influence they have over you.

For years, it felt like I was in an internal war. 

I would swing between extremes.

Control and chaos. 

When I was in control, it looked productive: 

~ Overworking

~ Extreme exercise

~ Rigid self-management

~ Trying to force myself into the right version

When I was in chaos, it looked destructive: 

~ Comfort eating

~ Numbing behaviours

~ Unhealthy coping mechanisms

~ Reaching for distraction instead of connection

Different behaviours. Same function.

Both states were ways of avoiding how I was actually feeling.

I was in that loop for years.

The cost wasn’t just slower progress. It was the feeling of living divided.

One part trying to build the life I wanted. Another part undoing my progress when life felt hard.

On a walk by the river with Drew, we talked for hours about why willpower keeps failing. I shared how much progress I’d made in some areas, but also how parts of me I didn’t like still kept reappearing.

Then he said something simple:

There are no bad parts.

This hit me hard.

I had been rejecting parts of myself, believing they were the problem. 

I thought growth meant defeating them. 

But these parts were trying to protect me and served a purpose – either now, or at some point in the past.

And the harder I fought them, the more power they had.

That was the turning point.

Change didn’t start when I defeated those parts. 

It started when I began to understand them.

Healing often starts with connection and feeling cared about. 

The parts of you are no different.

I stopped seeing resistance as proof that I was weak or incapable.

I started seeing it as a signal.

A sign that there was something to notice, not resist.

Fear is part of life. 

You can choose to move through the discomfort – or let it grow.

You can’t stop resistance from appearing.

But you can change how you respond when it does.

Thoughts can pass when they are not fed.

Feelings can move when they have space.

What you can sit with no longer has to run your life. 

This is where self-compassion matters.

Not making excuses.

But meeting what is uncomfortable with curiosity. 

You find balance when you stop fighting yourself. 

When you stop treating discomfort as danger.

And instead, you keep returning to:

Name → Allow → Choose

Again and again.

Until what used to feel like a battle starts to feel natural.

You do not need to become fearless or overcome resistance completely.

You only need to notice what is happening, stop fighting it, and align with your values.

Stopping the fight with yourself is one half of the battle. 

The other half is designing your life to make alignment your default.

That’s what we’ll cover next.

Max